Divorce experts say that the rate at which marriages end up in divorce continues to be a cause for concern all over the world. McKinley Irvin estimates that between 42 and 45 percent of marriages ended up in divorce in 2018. Yet, that’s only with reference to first-time marriages.
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Existing evidence shows that the situation is worse for people entering second or third marriages. In the US alone, there are over 2,600 cases of divorce every single day. What’s the cause of this? Here are the top 25 reasons for divorce according to divorce experts.
1. Divorce Experts say that Incompatibility Will Cause Divorce
According to divorce experts, most couples are driven into marriage by their lust and need for leisure. Due to the hasty way in which you form relationships, you fail to consider how compatible you are. Terrelle Smith author of The Domino Effect of Divorce says, “Reality hits when you are already deep into marriage”.
Now that you are living together, you begin to see certain behaviors you never suspected your spouse had. You also discover you have nothing in common between the two of you. The only logical conclusion is divorce.
Abuse is one of the major causes of divorce today. It could be verbal or physical abuse. Whatever form it takes, abuse makes the victims want to leave the marriage. That’s logical. Even so, how else will they be able to ensure their sanity and safety?
According to divorce experts, most marriage breakdowns occur due to mental, emotional, physical, sexual, and verbal abuse.
Cases, where married couples are cheating on each other, have been on the rise worldwide. Infidelity could be in the form of extramarital affairs manifested in different forms.
Many are the people who engage in sexting, internet relationships, emotional infidelity, casual affairs, one-night-stands, and so on. It majorly comes out as dishonesty of the highest order. When one of the spouses feels betrayed, the end result is breakage in the marriage.
4. Lack of Communication
One of the major problems in marriage is that couples do not know how to communicate. Instead of dealing with issues with finality, they engage in incoherent yelling, veiled barbs, and silent treatments.
The best thing to do is to express yourself when you notice anything wrong. He or she isn’t a mind reader. As bitterness builds up, the relationship is bound to crumble.
Irresponsibility could be in the form of neglect of finances, health, children, and family life with one partner. This often results in incessant fights, resentment, and eventual divorce.
To prevent it, you may want to sit down with your partner and talk about it. In Hindsight, Scott F. Steve advises to make he or she sees the need of joining you in the process of building your home.
When one of the spouses gets addicted to social media, gambling, porn, sex, alcohol abuse, or substance abuse, issues will arise. In the end, the other partner finds himself or herself abandoned emotionally and in an unsatisfactory relationship.
Most of the time, they have no option but to dissolve the marriage. Davis Eme says as much in his book, The True Cause of Divorce. That’s why married couples need to watch out for things that could prevent them from being 100 percent dedicated to the union.
7. Obsession or Jealousy
While this may seem like a good thing, it ends up searing the bond in the marriage. Yet couples don’t seem to learn not to be overly jealous or obsessed with their spouse.
This only makes the other person feel scared, uncomfortable, and unsafe. Who would stay in a marriage where negative emotions are all there is?
The occurrence of traumatic and painful events could change the lives to the extent of being unable to move on. Apart from being emotionally drained, they could end up blaming their spouse for what happened.
For couples who go through such events, the only logical step would be to dissolve the relationship. It could help if they were able to talk about how they feel.
9. Lack of Intimacy/Affection
The longer you stay together, the more likely you are to grow apart. When the original attraction and passion is lost, there is no way they can have affection and intimacy.
Couples who cannot hold hands or talk about issues cannot stay together. As Stephen Gola says in Divorce, the only logical conclusion to the relationship is divorce.
10. Unrealistic Expectations
Wake up! You didn’t marry an angel. If that’s how you view your partner, then you are bound to be disappointed when he or she lets you down. According to What Causes Divorce and How to Prevent It, many people enter marriage with unrealistic expectations.
Just like any human, your spouse will make mistakes, change, and disappoint you. Insisting that he or she meets certain expectations is one major cause of breakage in marriage, according to divorce experts.
11. Lack of Proper Division of Roles
Traditionally, the woman was expected to stay at home and do several chores. As such, the woman of yore was taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, cooking meals and so on. While women did chores at home, men were expected to win the bread and pay bills.
Today, women are into careers and hardly have the time to do all the chores they did before. The result is constant bickering about who is supposed to play, which role in the relationship. Where this isn’t resolved, it could lead to the end of the marriage.
12. Marrying Too Young
No one is suggesting that marrying young is a recipe for eventual divorce. However, divorce experts have shown that the likelihood of people who married young divorcing is more than certain. Existing evidence suggests that young marriages are likely to end in breakages within 15 years by more than 95 percent.
While the reason for this isn’t clear, it is thought that the couple outgrowing each other could be the major reason for divorce. Others realize they are incompatible in terms of their values, principles, and religion.
13. Illness That Lasts Too Long
When one partner falls into prolonged sickness, it could mark the end of the relationship. Having to take care of a sick partner can be a daunting task to the other partner. That’s the view of John Gottman PhD in Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last . It gets worse if the illness is terminal or prolonged.
Divorce Experts suggest that women are likely to get divorced by up to 60 percent when they fall terminally ill. It boils down to the lack of emotional strength to support a spouse who is undergoing great pain. That’s why some individuals simply choose to opt out.
According to divorce experts, stress is one of the reasons for the increase in the divorce rate in the world. Stress in marriage comes due to the attention one is required to give to family, friends, work, bills, health, and so on. That’s the observation of Dr. Donald Edward in What’s a Cause for Divorce.
For some individuals, infertility and mental illness are the major culprits. In its severest form, stress morphs into depression leading to a poor attitude towards your wife or husband. When things come to a boil, the end result is divorce.
15. Unbridled Weight Gain
As superficial as it may seem, there are a number of couples who have divorced on grounds of weight gain. The reason for that is simple. Weight gain greatly curtails a partner’s sex appeal and renders him or her unattractive.
It is also possible for overweight individuals to lose their self-esteem, thus limiting their participation in intimacy. Divorce experts have blamed this on the negligent way couples tend to live soon after marriage. When there’s a lack of care, obesity is inevitable.
16. Money Matters
Issues to do with finances have led to breakage of marriages, no matter the region of the world. Problems tend to arise when one loses a job or the available money is no longer enough to cater to the needs of the family.
Apart from resentment and bitterness, lack of money may lead to major issues that may render the marriage untenable. Many of the couples who fight about money have no option but to part ways.
17. Lack of Preparation
When entering into a marriage union, most couples are unprepared for what awaits them. Many of them think they can go on with their life as they did as singles. That’s the considered opinion of Dr. David E. Pastrana in Divorce Stress Syndrome.
To them, the love, mutual respect, responsibility, accountability, and transparency required in marriage are standards too high. Thus, the marriage ends up being established on shakier ground, which, would inevitably result in divorce.
18. Too Many Augments In the Relationship
Most people value peace of mind, especially in a long-term relationship such as marriage. Against expectations, the marriage may turn out to be a riddled by one personal fight after another. When a married couple fights just about anything, this is a recipe for divorce.
According to divorce experts, some of the things people fight about are as trivial as what to eat for dinner. It is mainly because they aren’t thinking of their spouse but of themselves. No marriage can last where winning the fight is more important than the resolution of issues.
After living together for a long time, many couples end up being bored with each other. When you can no longer find things to excite you, the end result is divorce. Majdi Muhammad says as much in Marriage Discord.
Why should one continue with a marriage which is nothing more than a roommate-to-a-roommate relationship? If anything, boredom in marriage is the cause of issues such as infidelity, which further lead to divorce. With the reigniting of the once vibrant spark, it is still possible to save the marriage.
Divorce experts suggest that sex is one of the biggest reasons why many couples dissolve their marriages. Sexual issues, mostly arise due to divergence in sexual orientation or low libido. That’s an observation made by William Ernst Browning in his book, A Treatise on Marriage and Divorce.
It can be very frustrating when partners seem to be reading from different scripts when it comes to sex. If one partner isn’t as enthusiastic or doesn’t appreciate new sexual styles, this could cause tension. The only recourse for the aggrieved partner could be causing the breakage of the marriage.
21. When the Children Come In
When children come into the picture, most of the energy ends up being directed at their well-being. Thus, the parents end up having no time to properly relate to each other. So says De Haan in Before and After Marriage.
When the children finally grow and are no longer living at home, you are likely to feel like two strangers meeting for the first time. The option is either to rediscover and relearn to relate with each other or simply divorce. Many find it easier to go for the latter option.
22. Loss of Individuality
Just because they are married, some individuals end up completely giving up their individual identities. They no longer have a separate vision, goals, and objectives they intend to achieve without their partners. The spouse has to be consulted before making both minor and major decisions.
Apart from causing stress and depression, this could result in eventual divorce. According to experts, this is especially a major issue for women who cannot live without their husbands, literally.
23. Communication Issues
Lack of communication is undoubtedly a major cause of divorce. Where couples are able to communicate freely, many relationship problems get nipped in the bud before they fester and become serious.
However, Scritto da Anonimo in his book, in his book Divorce Stress Syndrome, says “A marriage that is characterized by the inability to listen to each other can only end in separation”.
24. Married for the Wrong Reasons
Many are the people who end up marrying for the wrong reasons such. Some are looking for money or fame while others are other pressure from friends and family. They rarely consider if they love and respect their spouses.
Whether they can laugh together, cry together, build together, or create good memories doesn’t seem to matter. According to experts, such marriages are built on sand and won’t last.
25. Little or No Commitment
To reiterate, one of the things that happen after you have lived together for long is growing apart. The major culprit in this is a lack of commitment. Unless couples are able to retrace their steps and re-prioritize time together, they will end up divorced. Divorce experts suggest that the partner who is making all the efforts to make it work could experience burnout and sue for divorce.
Divorce experts say that divorce is often not an event, but a process that begins right after a couple gets married. From choosing the wrong person to getting married for the wrong reasons, the choices you make are likely to cause separation.
Most married couples get bored with each other and do very little when it comes to their sex life. That’s a recipe for the breakage of the marriage.
To avoid divorce, marriage should begin with proper preparation and efforts must be made to mitigate the issues discussed here. Failure to observe any of these has a predetermined outcome, divorce!