Common Marriage problems are never an issue at the time of getting married. It is the hope of the partners that they are going to live happily ever after. The truth is that marriage is not all bliss and will experience some problems along the way.
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One thing you should know is that there is no perfect marriage. Even the couples that seem to have everything going for them have issues. The following are some of the common marriage problems:
Each partner comes into the marriage with a set of expectations. If the two of you have different expectations, the marriage is unlikely to work. That’s especially if your partner fails to meet your expectations. According to Solving Marriage Problems, you will feel frustrated and get into unnecessary fights with your spouse.
It is surprising the number of married couples who discover they are no longer compatible once they start living together. Nothing is more frustrating than knowing your partner no longer understands your feelings or ideas. When you start having different views of everything, then the only option is divorce.
One of the most common marriage problems is when one partner is not ready to compromise. They are too rigid that they are unwilling to acknowledge changes and prevailing life situations. Some may even resist making habit or lifestyle changes for the sake of the marriage. Just what can such people agree with?
Some people enter marriage expecting to be pampered by their partners. They forget that there are certain responsibilities they must meet. It could also be that you aren’t mentally prepared to handle some of these responsibilities. When one partner is more involved in the marriage than the other, there’s a problem.
Lack of Communication.
Another common marriage problem is the lack of communication. It is a huge problem when you are in a marriage where you hardly talk to each other. You neither share thoughts, nor ideas. What can you do when you have issues to deal with? When everything is under-cover, can you say you are in a marriage?
Less or No Understanding.
Marriage problems may arise when you and your partner do not understand each other. It is a big problem when the two of you think differently. That’s an indication that you are yet to reach a level where the two of you understand each other.
Lack of Teamwork.
One of the common marriage problems is when you approach issues as two distinct individuals rather than a team. That means you hardly support each other or act as a team. You are quick at engaging into the blame game instead of working together.
It is a big problem when your partner stops being bothered about your problems. If he or she is not showering you with reciprocal love and concern, it means you are no longer valued. As Emerson Eggerichs says in Love & Respect, the relationship is over.
Interference from In-Laws.
For a marriage to work, the two of you must work in harmony. However, when the in-laws start interfering, the bond you once had will start getting strained. That’s especially if you have to stay in the same house as the pesky in-laws.
At the time of entering a marriage, you become part of a totally different family. If you are marrying into a different culture, there is so much you must deal with. You have to contend with new belief systems, dress codes, mannerisms, and so on. That can prove to be a real problem.
Change in Attitude.
When peoples’ attitudes change towards the two of you soon after marriage, you are definitely going to face problems. For instance, a neighbor who was eying you may start spreading falsehoods about you. He or she may even cause a rift between the two of you.
It is never a good idea to start nagging for no reason. Instead of your partner doing for you what you want, he or she will begin to see you as an irritant. In most cases, it is the women who nag. Most men have no option but to look for peace outside the home. Says Gary Chapman in his best selling book The 5 Love Languages.
Lack of Support.
While it is normal to have common goals as a couple, each one of you could be chasing their own dreams. In that case, you need support from your partner. It becomes a marriage problem when you fail to get that support.
Too Little Time Spend Together.
The fact that you are married does not mean you are in each other’s company 24/7. Each of you definitely has a career to which you dedicate most of the day. Thus, you need to create time to bond with each other. When you have no time for a simple lunch date, there is a big problem.
Suspicion is one of the biggest common marriage problems. It shows a lack of trust in each other. When your partner keeps suspecting that you have an affair, it can sound extremely bad. In most cases, constant suspicion leads to one partner feeling unloved.
For a marriage to work, the partners have to be ready to believe in each other. Often times, doubt sets in and breeds all sorts of problems. If anything, doubt is one of the most common marriage problems. It breaks the union and leads to divorce.
Never Owning Up.
It takes a lot of maturity for one spouse to accept a mistake and apologize for it. When this acceptance and apology becomes one-sided, the marriage is at risk. Never accepting fault is one of the biggest married problems.
It can be very frustrating when your partner has issues, but fails to freely express them. In marriage, a problem shared is a problem half solved. If you are to blame for anything, your partner should say it. Otherwise, getting as cold as ice won’t do the marriage any good.
In a marriage, men and women have different needs. While women need to be loved, men need to be respected. When a man feels like you are disrespecting him, the relationship is bound to have problems. The man may either enter into an affair or ask for a divorce.
The Blame Game.
Problems in marriage always have an origin. However, engaging in the blame game doesn’t help. As Marcus Kusi says in Communication in Marriage, it takes two to tango. While one partner could be the immediate cause of the problem, he or she is not entirely to blame.
One aspect that is as important as communication in marriage is listening to each other. One of the big common marriage problems is one partner doesn’t seem to listen to the other. Just how will you be able to reach an understanding on issues affecting you?
For a marriage to work, there needs to be some level of magnanimity. It should not be one partner always getting his or her way. It becomes a big problem when one partner keeps imposing ideas. In such a marriage, it will be very hard to build consensus on anything.
Demanding Too Much.
In any relationship involving two people, it doesn’t make sense to be too demanding. After all, your partner is human. He or she can only do so much. Instead of being too demanding, also try to give something in return.
Failure to Do Your Part.
A marriage works well when the two of you are equally involved. Say, you keep doing household chores on your own. Your partner neither cares nor has neglected their part in the whole process. That’s one of the biggest marriage problems.
Lack of Motivation.
Lack of energy is a common problem that affects the way people approach relationships. When one partner is feeling depressed or demotivated, it can weigh down on the relationship. After all, lethargy would mean you have no idea what to do about the relationship.
Creating Arguments Out Of Thin Air.
It is a given that problems will arise in the marriage. However, they do not have to result in constant arguments. It is important to resolve issues to prevent them from becoming a talking point. If your partner keeps creating arguments, there is a problem.
Lack of Intimacy is the #1 major Common Marriage problems.
No marriage can prosper without intimacy. When one partner loses interest in sex, it can be a big problem. Thus, you and your partner need to keep the embers of your sex life burning. In His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. says you have to make time to talk, cuddle and have sex.
One of the most common marriage problems is when married couples get emotionally disconnected as soon as they marry. This leads to one partner having unmet needs. If he or she cannot get fulfilled in the relationship, they will engage in emotional infidelity.
In every marriage, money is an emotive issue that needs to be handled carefully. If the two of you have incompatible spending habits, you are likely to start fighting about money. Money Problems can irritate you and cause additional problems. That’s according to Money Problems, Marriage Issues by Chuck Bentley.
Lack of Appreciation.
In a situation where a married couple is not appreciating each other, conflict will definitely arise. Everyone, whether a man or woman craves positive recognition. It is a big problem when you no longer give each other, loving gestures nor gratitude.
Interference by Technology.
Today’s world is increasingly being run by technology. As such, it is very easy to get caught up in the technology web. For instance, texting can interfere with meaningful family conversations and prevent communication.
Being married calls for selflessness. When one of you keeps putting his or her own risk before those of the other, it breeds one of the most serious married problems. Jealousy may cause abuse, possession, jealousy, manipulation, and control. That’s not great for any relationship.
Getting annoyed over the issue in the marriage is normal, and is one of thr most common marriage problems. However, when the anger festers and goes beyond the immediate cause, it becomes a problem. It can lead to disrespect and even abuse. Learn to calm down and listen.
Before you got married, you must have discussed your plans for the future. If one partner was to change his or her mind and come up with new priorities, it will create a problem. For instance, if one partner changes the mind on having children, there is a problem. So Says Sue Johnson in her book Hold Me Tight.
Failure to Prioritize the Marriage.
For a marriage to work, you need to put in a lot of work. However, that cannot happen when the two of you are concentrating on work, children, household responsibilities, and the extended family. Learn to make your marriage a priority.
Expecting Too Much From Your Partner.
One of the common marriage problems is when you expect your partner to be everything. He or she would have to be superhuman to meet all your needs. There is no way your spouse will complete you. So, work on completing yourself.
Everyone makes mistakes. In a marriage, it could be you or your spouse. When situations arise where mistakes have been made, you should reach resolution quickly enough. Keeping scores only keep emotional wounds open and could result in bigger problems.
Constantly Talking About Divorce.
While divorce is a likely outcome of a troubled marriage, you don’t have to keep talking about it. Apart from threatening the security of the relationship, constantly mentioning divorce creates distrust. It smirks of insincerity when you say you are serious about the relationship.
Telling White Lies.
Some people try to avoid confrontation by telling white lies. They forget that the best way to handle issues is by telling the truth and nothing but the whole truth. When discovered, lies breed distrust and may even lead to breakage of the relationship.
Resentment doesn’t have to be expressed or spoken. In most cases, spouses resent each other without showing signs of it. Silent resentment ultimately damages the relationship by creating a wedge between you and your partner. It is one of the biggest marriage problems.
It can be very painful when your partner keeps criticizing you. It doesn’t matter what it is about. In Stripped Down, Tony DiLorenzo says any criticism amounts to attacking each other’s character. The partner who is under constant criticism may eventually give up on the relationship.
Brushing Off Issues.
When you make a destructive, threatening or reckless mistake, it is important that you acknowledge and deal with it. The problem with some people is that they tend to brush it off. There is no way you can expect your partner to get over a serious issue. The best thing is to calmly, openly discuss it.
Ever Trying To Keep the Peace.
One of the common marriage problems is when some couples choose to sweep issues under the carpet rather than deal with them. In the short term, it seems like keeping silent is the way to go. However, it will never result in a lasting solution. What you should do is speak the truth, no matter how much it is hurting.
Fear of Discussing About Money.
In a marriage, there should be no secrets concerning marriage. After all, your finances are tied together. You should always have open dialogue about your personal and collective finances. Discuss your financial goals, income, and expenditure.
Controlling Each Other.
Common marriage problems can arise when one partner tries to control the other. For a marriage to work, each one of you should feel free and respected. In Why Does He Do That, Lundy Bancroft says it is a big mistake to try to micromanage your partner. Keep in touch with their needs, but don’t try to control them.
Fighting In Public.
When married problems come to the head, you may start fighting in public. Apart from being humiliating, this can worsen the problem you are trying to address. Make the point of handling your issues in private. You don’t have to wash your dirty linen in public.
Dwelling Too Much On the Negative.
What’s it that you appreciate most about your partner? Keep that in mind and always think about it. Don’t let the complaints cloud the positive things you know about each other. Instead of constant criticism, cheer your partner on.
One of the major common marriage problems is keeping secrets about emotions, parenting decisions or money. People keep secrets because they are afraid about the other person will react. What it does is create distrust and prevent intimacy. Instead of keeping secrets, talk about the things bothering you.
Building Mountains Out Of Nothing.
Not everything you think is an issue needs to be addressed. When you have such a belief, you will never succeed in your relationship. If you went to bed with a burning issue and managed to forget it in the morning, good riddance. Just let go of it!
Thinking Love Is Enough.
It is true that the thing that drew the two of you together is love. However, that’s bound to wane over time. To stay in love, you have to work very hard on it. Learn your partner’s love language and use it to touch his or her heart.
Fighting Over the Same Issue.
In every marriage, there are issues that never get resolved. It could be hygiene, money or mannerisms. Obviously, each one of you has a unique way of approaching these issues. However, don’t try to change each other. Learn to look at issues from your partner’s perspective.
Taking Your Partner For Granted.
Before you know it, you are likely to start taking each other for granted. However, there’s something you can do about it. Whenever you are out on a date, find a way of making him or her feel like they are the only person in the room. If you aren’t careful, you could come off as newlyweds who are madly in love.
Playing the Victim.
In a marriage situation, both partners have equal responsibility. Therefore, you cannot claim to have the right of getting all the attention from your spouse. Playing the victim is the worst thing you can do. Don’t expect your partner to mother, father, finance, and save you.
Expecting Marriage to Be Easy.
No marriage works by you making virtually no effort. You have to put in the work. Attend couples therapy sessions and read a lot. Learn how to argue, go on a date, and respond to each other’s need for attention. You are going to have problems. Learn how to resolve them.
This is one of the common marriage problems for needy individuals. Some take on their roles in the relationship so seriously that they end up forgetting who they really are. What you should do is keep your identity intact.
Carrying the Phone to Bed.
One of the easiest ways to destroy communication in bed is carrying your phone with you. What you should do is turn off your phone and talk to each other. You will become more intimate and even improve your sex life.
You would be mistaken to think that the most harmonious marriage is completely fair. There comes a time when one partner has to give 100 percent. Expecting fairness is one of the common marriage problems. As John Gottman says in The Relationship Cure, it is unrealistic and foolish.
Stalking Your Ex on Facebook.
Once you get married, you should forsake all else and cling only to your spouse. The problem is that some people use social media to satisfy their curiosities about exes. When you fan up the old flames, there is no way your current relationship will stand.
Replacing Talking With Texting.
One of the most common marriage problems that married couples makes every day is to think texting is the same as talking. Texting is impersonal and may only create barriers between you and your spouse. Learn to talk more instead of sending text messages.
While they are good for both of you, friends can be toxic. That’s why you should be careful when choosing friends. Pick someone who will make the relationship better and not worse. If a friend is taking you away from your partner, avoid him or her like the plague.
61. Lack of Boundaries.
Having close friends of the opposite sex is another no-no in a marriage. It triggers fantasies and emotional entanglement that should not be there at all. According to Willard F. Harley, the author of ‘Marriage Builders’, friends pose the greatest risk for infidelity.
Emotional infidelity is another thing that many couples tend to think is not harmful. Nevertheless, getting too close to the member of the opposite sex more than your spouse that is technically cheating. Endeavor to make your spouse your best friend and you will not be crossing that line for infidelity.
In most couples, the arrival of their mini selves is what totally clears out the honeymoon stage. Diapers, sleepless nights, overstretched budgets become the norm of the day.
One of the major common marriage problems after children is that communication is reduced to questions and answers and mostly about the baby. So you realize you are living in the same house with someone and you no longer know them.
Spouses should cultivate the habit of putting each other first in marriage before the kids. Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women…is Men says “It’s that the marriage is the backbone of the house and everyone needs to see and feel it.”
If you look at a marriage candidly, those children you dote over your spouse will grow up possibly leave your home, leaving you with the spouse you ignored all that time.
Most people forget to mesh their religious lives before they say ‘I do’. It’s usually no problem until the family begins to form with the arrival of new family members. One spouse may desire to raise their kids the same way he/she was raised and this usually ends in people locking heads if it’s not solved.
This is usually a complicated situation because people feel so deeply when it comes to religion and hence this is an issue tackled by most before marriage. However, we are not blind to the fact that people may change and want new things.
The solution is either the other converts for a more harmonious union or they agree to disagree but maintain their family values.
64. In-laws will cause many Common Marriage Problems.
There is a reason why one leaves his family and marries- the reason is to create your own. If you drag your family into your new family, your marriage suffers for it. This will result into one of the major common marriage problems in your marriage.
Couples should learn to put each other first. In an article ‘How healthy couples deal with their in-laws’ Margarita Tartakovsky says healthy couples set clear boundaries with their in-laws. This gives the relationship between the couple and the respective in-laws some respect while dealing with each other.
Most couples feel as long as they are providing for their family, it’s enough to input in their marriage. So people climb the corporate ladder at the expense of their marriages.
Balance is required if your marriage is not to suffer. Most have moved away from their families in an effort to make an extra dollar, but wake up to lonely lives or broken marriages except with numerous accolades.
Money should be made, but not at the expense of relationships. Compromises must be made, either the other couple relocates to suit the new job or the job is turned down.
66. Destructive lifestyles.
Lifestyles that form addictive behaviors can destroy the very foundation of marriage which is trust. If a spouse feels they cannot depend on the other for something because they are too engaged in addictive activities.
Behaviors like gambling, drunkenness and the likes will usually bring about dishonesty and cause a lot of pain in the marriage. Every destructive behavior should not be used as an excuse to deal with issues. Confronting issues upfront will enable one not to pile up issues.
As you can see, marriages are faced with numerous problems. How you resolve these Common Marriage problems is what really matters. It is important that you have realistic expectations at the time of getting into marriage. Freely talk about your issues and find lasting solutions.