Marriage problems are one of the most difficult tasks to handle. Problems and quirks are normal things to encounter in marriages. However, couples still choose to stay in the bond of marriage so save the holy matrimony. As you know, marriage is very important especially when there are kids in the family.
So it is important to hold on to the relationship.But some couples are not able to handle things very well, so they definitely have to seek help from marriage counselors. Counselors can be a good help for couples by listening to their problems and giving out advice in which the couple should follow in order to maintain a good and harmonious relationship.
Mort Fertel is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for saving marriages. In addition to working with couples, he teaches individuals how to single-handedly transform their marital situation.
People from all over the world schedule private telephone sessions with Mort Fertel and seek his counsel by joining the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. He is the author of Marriage Fitness Audio Learning System and the creator of Marriage Fitness Home-Flex System, the most comprehensive relationship home learning kit in the world. Over 100,000 people a year subscribers to his free e-zine.
Mort Fertel was a featured expert on ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS, and the Fox News Network. He is also a frequent guest on talk radio programs. His breakthrough program, Marriage Fitness System, appeared in the New York Times, Huffington Post, Chicago Tribune, Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Family Circle, Psychology Today, Ladies Home Journal, Glamour Magazine, Parent & Child Magazine, Philadelphia Inquirer, Library Journal, Women’s Health, Denver Post, Orlando Sentinel, Baltimore Sun, and Toronto Sun .
However, if you want to transform your marriage and you want to make a quantum change, you have to implement a pattern of new relationship habits and create love.
Mort Fortel’s “7 Secrets For Fixing Your Marriage” provides essential tips for a successful marriage.
1. Setting Aside Your Problems
Marriage problems are common to couples since it is always part of building their relationship as one.This is the reason why couples need to connect and communicate with each other towards resolving the issue or problems they are experiencing.But, not all the time problems can be resolved easily.There are instances where it takes a time to heal the pain and hurt that the problem brought.Losing each other can be a deep heart in both the wife and husband’s wife especially when the root cause of the problem is not so harsh or complicated.
If you want to fix your marriage as early as now, you need to apply conflict resolution strategies wherein you need to set aside those problems which are not relevant to your marriage. Put energy and try to connect with each other.
Put more emphasis on establishing new relationship habit with positive energy towards a successful and happy marriage rather than dealing with the problem.Step away from problems and spend energy and time doing specific activities that can strongly build your marriage.
2. Touch and Talk
How are you going to restore your marriage? Well, everyone wanted to renew their marriage but not all have skills and knowledge on how to go about it.This happens through actions hence you need to act accordingly in order to immediately save your marriage as soon as possible. You need to try the talk and touch charge that is common for couples today. A talk charge is a sixty-second positive verbal interaction with the spouse with regards to non-logistical concerns.
It’s a frivolous and fun chat and you don’t need the cooperation of your spouse. They are just going to listen while you are talking. When it comes to the touch charge this is similar but it primarily uses touch instead of talk. It is a loving and caring physical gesture with your spouse. It is not an advance or foreplay for love making rather it is a warm touch for the sake of strong connection with each other. Marriage can be immediately fixed with talk and touch charge, hence it just needs a matter of time and effort to do the process properly and effectively.
3. Changing the Momentum of Your Marriage
Couples always wait for changes from their partner, right? Well, most of the people think that feeling of love comes well before expressing it to their loved one.This happens at the beginning of the relationship; you fall in love with each other and do acts of love. Your feeling is usually inspired by the actions you are showing but marriage mature love asks you for more.
In order to fix your marriage and create a long lasting one, you need to choose love actions that will never be forgotten by your partner. When it comes to your marriage relationship, your action primarily creates the feeling and once you change your action to a more loving and caring one, you are pretty sure that your relationship with each other will last a lifetime.
You need to think of been impressive and very sweet way on how to show your love and affection to your partner different from the actions you’ve done before. Even if you are already married, you don’t need to be tired of showing how you really care and love your partner.
4. Getting Your Spouse to Change
In fixing your marriage, change. You don’t have a problem with her but there are instances that you initiate for it. Your spouse may not show a willingness to change for your marriage right now since you thought that they don’t want to have a great marriage. Well, every spouse dreams to have a great marriage. It’s because, if they wanted to change, it must be their idea and not to be forced by their husband anymore.
Your spouse will change if they are already ready to change.The more you push, urge, ask, beg and scream them, the less chance for them to change.Waiting is very hard but you need to let change come from them. If possible, be an inspiration for your spouse to change.
Do not push her away from you, it takes a time to listen and wait for her optimal change.In this way, you are assured that the change she will be showing is willingly done and not forced making your marriage relationship strong.
5. Knowing if You’ve Married the Right Person
Every marriage relationship has its cycle. In the start, you fell in love with your spouse; you anticipated for their call and wanted their touch. Falling in love is simple and easy since it is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after few years of your marriage, you cannot remove the fact that there are instances that love fades.
It’s a natural cycle in every relationship that offers a dramatic difference from the initial stage of your relationship. At this point in time, you keep on asking yourself, if you’ve married the right person. In this sense, you need to reflect on the love you gave and begin to experience it with someone else.
This results in marriage breakdown that usually blames your spouse for the unhappiness and breakdown of the marriage. The key to a happy and successful marriage is not to find the right person but to learn how to love the person you’ve already found.This is the reason why you need to show how you care and love the person to let your marriage work and last forever.
6. Determining the Right Time to Quit
How are you going to determine if it’s already the right time for you to quit? If divorcing is considered then before you do that, you need to try it for t least a year.Yes, you need to try it for a year since you can call for a quiet but you have always the option to do it.
Once, you already pull the trigger, and then your marriage is already over. No more chances anymore and your life will never be the same. .If you already end your marriage, you don’t want to look back again. If you end it, you want to move on with your life and get into other relationship with a clear perspective.
But, it is highly recommended that when you can still handle the marriage, spare time and effort to do your best to fix it to avoid regrets.Take at least a year even if it’s a long time but it is an essential investment and approach that can help you in deciding whether to quit your marriage or not.
7. Simple Truth about your Marriage: Be a Hedgehog
Are you a fox or a hedgehog? Most married couples never thought about it however it is a significant question to answer.For those married couples who want to restore and save their marriage, this material will greatly help you to have an apparent and superior understanding about the secrets for fixing your marriage.
In the essay entitled “The Hedgehog and the Fox”, Isaiah Berlin describes how people approach and deal with problems.There are some people who are like foxes since they know a lot of things. On the other hand, there are some individuals who are like hedgehogs wherein they know one big thing.
According to some researchers, a fox is considered as one of the cleverest animals that have the ability to devise huge numbers of tactics for attacking hedgehog.Every single day, the fox looks like he has another brilliant strategy to successfully win his prey.The hedgehog is a slow creature whose defense is the same no matter how the fox attacks.
Each day, the fox thinks “Now I’ve got you” However every single day, no matter what approach the fox takes, no matter what time of the day it is, no matter where he strikes from, as soon as the hedgehog senses danger he thinks “Here we go again” and the hedgehog rolls up into a little ball, extends his sharp spikes and spoils the laid plans of the fox.
Some people (foxes) see the world in all its complexity and this is one of the reasons why their approach changes depending on the circumstances, however, they never develop a unified vision. Other people (hedgehogs) simplify the complexity of the world into one simple principle and one basic idea that determines their move.Hedgehogs are not simple minded. On the contrary, their understanding of the world is so profound that they are able to identify the most fundamental elements.
What does this have to do with your Marriage?
It is a fact that everyone has challenges, issues, and problems in their marriage. Yours may even be severe and you will no doubt face a variety of problems over the years.It is very imperative to think that for every problem you encounter, you need a new solution.You need to bear in mind that just like a hedgehog, the ultimate answer to each problem is the same. It is true that love is the foundation of your marriage.
Once you have problems in your marriage, you don’t need a solution instead you need more love. The problem in most marriages is the way the couple sees the problem. Developing communication skills and fixing problems can lead to small incremental changes in your marriage.
However, if you want to transform your marriage and you want to make a quantum change, you have to implement a pattern of new relationship habits and create love.The most important question in marriage is not on how to solve problems but on how to create more love.
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