Love your boyfriend? Well, you’ll need to put in the work! Relationships require constant growth and nurturing. Yes, even the best of them. Everyone needs a little motivation sometimes. Are things great in your relationship and you’d like to make them better? It’s not a shame. The fact that you’re here doing some research, means that you value what you are building with your boyfriend.
With that in mind, this article has compiled a list of ways you can improve your relationship with your boyfriend. It has brought together the best ways to make your boyfriend feel appreciated, desired and loved.
Learn how to change your relationship from average to a strong and fulfilling relationship with the list below.
Have a Life
Rule number one: Though shall not let your relationship define you! It’s of utmost importance to be an independent person outside the relationship. Outside of the dreams and goals, you have together as a couple, accomplish dreams of your own.
Have friends outside the relationship. Hang out with your girlfriends sometimes and give him time to spend with his boys. Be an independent thinker. Have separate hobbies. This allows you to grow while in a relationship at the same time.
It gives your relationship a breather. Your boyfriend will also miss you. When you see each other, you will want to just be in each other’s arms. Steven J Bennett talks more about it in his book “365 Rules of the New World: If we had a chance to do it all over again, would we do it right?”
Spend Fun Time Together
Engaging in activities that you both like is one way to improve your relationship. Having fun while spending time together strengthens the bond with your boyfriend. The more you like each other, the better the relationship becomes.
To start, list down all the things you both like to do, then find the ones you have in common. Make sure to have fun with the activities you choose. Make it quality time.You can borrow more tips from Paulette Steppes in the book “HOW TO AVOID A TKO IN MARRIAGE: A Biblical Perspective.”
Keep the relationship light. It will deepen the connection with your boyfriend. Be easy to please. Laugh at your boyfriend’s jokes, act silly, tease each other, have inside jokes and engage in lighthearted activities.
Bring out your inner child. Start a spontaneous wrestling match. Play a game of cards, or scrabble; you can pick any competitive game. When he wins, tell him how smart he is, men love confidence boosters.
Take grapes, or chocolate chips and throw them into each other’s mouths. This one will be messy, but you will giggle and laugh so much that it will be worth it. You can borrow more ideas from Andrew G. Marshall in his book “Help Your Partner Say ‘Yes’: Seven Steps to Achieving Better Cooperation and Communication.”
The secret is to be fun and not mean-spirited.
What better way is there than to openly pray together for your relationship, each other, your goals and your future? To make it more engaging, discuss the things to pray about. Make God the solid rock on which your relations stand. Will Davis Jr. advises couples to pray together in his book “Pray Big: The Power of Pinpoint Prayers.”
Be more affectionate by feeling; not worrying, managing or thinking. Leave that to your boyfriend. Have an attractive girl energy. Be open to him. Show your boyfriend more affection. All you need to do is just make slight changes to show more affection, your boyfriend will notice.
Touch him when you talk, rest your head on his shoulder, or cuddle as you spend time together. Be present when you hug or kiss him instead of quick hugs and pecks. You can spice it up by reaching around and squeezing his butt the next time you hug him.
Be Open to Love
Believing in love is one thing, accepting it is a completely different story. Some past experiences can make you unconsciously put up emotional walls. You may not even know how deep they run.
Open yourself up to receive love from your boyfriend. Believe he loves you regardless of your flaws. Also love him unconditionally. There may be some things from your past that are worth burying. However, you will realize that you will build a strong relationship when you bring down the emotional wall and open up to your boyfriend.
Drop Ridiculous Standards
There are basic standards which you should never beg your boyfriend to maintain. Things like respect, loyalty, support, love are basic in every relationship. Your boyfriend should freely maintain these standards.
However, mediocre standards which your boyfriend cannot fulfill will mess an otherwise good relationship. Such standards will make your boyfriend feel like he does not have the ability to please you. Remember that men are thrilled by feeling that they can please their woman. Angelina G. Bell gives solid advice in his book “Keep Your Man: Seven Ways to His Happiness“.
Most of the time, mean words are exchanged during arguments. Nasty things just have a way of coming out when you are angry. More often than not, you do not fully mean these things.
Nonetheless, unless you want to regret after a fight, filter your words. When arguing with your boyfriend follow some basic rules. Be specific, do not be petty, avoid generalization of words by focusing on the issue at hand, be communicative and stay calm.
If you disrespect and demean your boyfriend during a fight, he might never forget it. The reasons and severity of fights can vary. However, ensure you stay in line when fighting. Sometimes you will realize the fights are due to miscommunication or stubbornness. There are some trivial things that you can otherwise talk over with your boyfriend.
Compliment Your Boyfriend
Has your boyfriend improved on something? Throw in a compliment. Did you request him to make a few amendments in your relationship that he has made? Compliment him. Does he look sexy in those pants? Compliment him.
In other words, say something positive. Remind him how good he is at his job, around the house and so on. Focus the compliments on his masculine abilities.
Make sure before you say anything negative to your boyfriend, you have said 5 positive things. With time, the compliments you give him will become a norm. Tell him how he has made you a better person ever since you met. Be detailed and generous in your praise.
The book “The Secret Sauce of Loving Relationships: A Better Me, a Better Us” byMirellaDeboni will teach you how to give your boyfriend honest compliments.
Put Yourself in His Shoes
Be slow to judge your boyfriend. Have empathy towards him. Be patient. Stop and ask yourself why you are really mad. Are you projecting your feelings towards your boyfriend? Was his behavior intentionally intended to hurt you? Was he disrespectful? Is it something that you keep complaining about?
Whatever it is, carefully evaluate the situation before you lash out in anger. If after careful evaluation you still consider it to be a big issue you may need to discuss it with your boyfriend. However, bring it up when the anger has receded. If he attempts to apologize, do not rebuff him.
John Carter offers some guidelines in his book “Introducing Psychology of Relationships: A Practical Guide.”
You Can Use Vulnerability to Your Advantage
Begin by apologizing for a wrong you did by your boyfriend that was your fault. Talk about a fantasy you are embarrassed about. Be bold enough to share a secret with your man. If there is something that went wrong between you such as a fight or a miscommunication, talk about it with your man. Begin with what you could do differently.
Talk to your man about something he does, that hurts you. Start with how you feel when he does it. Then respectfully suggest how he can do it differently. Brent Bradley talks about the importance of couples being susceptible to one another in his book “Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies.”
Do Small Things for Your Boyfriend
If you are not the person to go all the way, there is hope for you. You do not have to give a big romantic gesture to your boyfriend to improve your relationship. Small thoughtful things speak love and care in large volumes.
You can have his breakfast waiting when he wakes up; breakfast is more unexpected as opposed to lunch or dinner. Pick-up his favorite snack on your way to his place. You can pack his lunch to take to work and add a bonus point by attaching a sexy note to it.
You can also do things together such as cook a meal together. Surprise him with a picnic he liked going to as a kid. If he always forgets to carry a pen, buy him a pack.Hingorrany Seema, in his book “How to Keep Your Man Happy“, says “small things will show your boyfriend that you care and pay attention”.
Spice up your sex life. Take turns to play dominant and submissive roles in bed. Talk to your boyfriend about calling the shots in turns. You can try blindfolds or handcuffs. Be creative! If you do not have handcuffs, you can use a scarf or a tie.
Try and dedicate a whole day to sex. It is more appealing if you rent a hotel room and switch off your phones. Treat your man to a surprise by cleaning his house naked or topless.Give him a lap dance or a pole dance. Do not become one of those couples who become boring between the sheets.
Peter O’Neill and Christine O’Neill stress the importance of intimacy in their book “ Bring out the Man in Your Man: Bring Back Energy, Passion and Balance into Your Relationship ”
As obvious as it sounds, takes the time to listen to your boyfriend. Stop whatever you are doing when he is talking to you and listen to what he is saying.
Sometimes your boyfriend just needs someone to listen to him, he is not seeking advice. Be honestly interested, ask questions and nod. Do not interrupt him when he is talking. Otherwise, it will be a talking competition. Cornelius Jones gives listening pointers in the book “Building a Beautiful Relationship.”
Listening opening to your boyfriend will improve communication and conversations between you will be easier to hold. You will even realize that he likes talking to you more. You can also try active listening, where your boyfriend says something, then you repeat it in your own words. If you leave out anything, he can correct you. Then take turns.Learn more from Tania Thornton in the book “Insights from the Heart.”
Learn the Love Languages of Your Boyfriend
The ways of giving and receiving love may not necessarily be the same for both of you. Your boyfriend may express love in a completely different way than you.
Gary Chapman refers to them as the love languages in his book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.”The five languages are “saying affirming words, spending quality time, deeds of service, physical touching, and giving gifts.
So which language speaks volumes for your boyfriend and which one works for you? Identifying this reduces cross-communication with your boyfriend. Learning the love language of your boyfriend will dramatically improve your relationship and is the way to his heart!
Bonus Tip: Remember, relationships are not fairy tales! They will not always be flowers on your doorstep and walking into the sunset together. Relationships are hard work!
Double Bonus Tip: Show love and affection to your boyfriend in simple ways. Mix in a dose of respect and you will have a happy relationship.