As married couples, you know that something isn’t quite right in your marriage. According to a recently released statistics, nearly 60% percent of all marriages with marriage problems eventually end in breakup or divorce.
Couples who are on this edge are constantly looking for ways to avoid being part of that overwhelming statistic. Regrettably, some marriages have gone beyond the stages of being fixed, but there are still so many that can be fixed or repaired no matter the current state of things.
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This article right before your eyes contains important information about relationship and marriage problems and how you can fix them. Endeavor to read to the end of this article clearly through to get some new ideas on how you may be able to fix your marriage problems and reclaim your spouse again.
#1: Take a Good Look at Yourself
It may be true that you have done something that has harmed the relationship, or that you have to stop treating your partner as if he/she were the most important thing in your life. Whatever might be the case; you can still make amends and get things up and running again.
Have a very good at yourself and determine to take a self -inventory by trying to figure out what you need to do to make things better in your marriage. If indeed you want to really fix your marriage problems, go back and reconsider treating your spouse as if he/she were the most beautiful things in your life, and you will be astonished by the result of your action and a new character.
#2: Remember Your Vows
Can you still remember the vow you made to each other the first day you happened to be with him/her? A very good exercise is to sit down and write down your marriage vows as you reflect upon them. This act should provide you with some clues on what you should do to rescue and fix back your relationship.
Let’s take for instance, did you vow to always respect, love and honor your partner? And are you still doing this? In your life right now, are there reasons why you feel you can no longer trust or honor your partner? If so, what can you do to start fixing your trust towards your spouse?
#3: Form A Picture Of What You Want Your Marriage To Be
Sit down and take a mental picture of what you want to see in your marriage. You can do this by visualizing the qualities you want to see manifested and activated in your marriage or relationship. Then, discover in yourself what you can do to create these qualities so that you can fix your marriage problems.
#4: Make Solving Your Marriage Problems Priority
Sit down with your spouse and share your desire to spend more time with them. Make a review on your calendar and determine how you may use your time effectively. Can you consolidate errands so you are not running out each night? How about agreeing to have a TV or computer-free day that is focused on the family?
What about volunteer activities that may take away from time with your spouse? Make sure you go out together – without the kids! At least once or twice a month to give you an opportunity to focus on one another and reconnect and get your marriage back on track.
#5: Cultivate New Interest
Many couples usually experience troubles in their marriage, when they become preoccupied with their self and forget about their spouse’s feelings. Always do the right thing and learn to show an interest in the things that your spouse does. Learn to ask questions and be supportive even if it is not your thing.
#6: Restore Intimacy
For any healthy marital relationship, physical contact is very important. At the very least, ensure you give your spouse a meaningful hug and kiss each day. And I don’t mean one of that barely-brushing-your-cheek pecks on the way out the door either! Sexual intimacy is also important. Even when you don’t feel up to it, make an effort to be open to intimate encounters as often as possible.
#7: Spend Quality Time with Each Other
Marriage problems arise because married couples fail to spend quality time with each other. If you really want to fix the bugs in your marriage and get your happiness back on track, always have some good time with your spouse. Find something that you both love doing and make sure that you can talk to each other while doing so.
#8: Communicate Your Needs with Your Partner
Most couples too often assume that their partners just don’t care about their needs and wants failing to understand that their partners cannot read their mind, therefore cannot know what it is that they are thinking. Always try to let your spouse know what is in your mind and your desire concerning your marriage.
#9: Talk and Touch Is Important In Marriage
According to Mort Fertel, a relationship coach, he said: “Everyone wants to renew their marriage, but very few have a clue on how to go about it”. You need action to get things fixed in your marriage. This is because you can never talk your way out of a situation you behaved yourself into.
You must act if you sincerely desire a change. Failed marriages eventually succeed because at least one spouse commits to doing “SMALL THINGS” in great ways over an extended period of time. Use this key to fix your marriage problems, then establish the RIGHT HABITS by doing them consistently. Talk and touch every day.
What type of gift could you give your spouse that would make them glow and look at you with intense appreciation? Check to see what gift would tickle the soul of your spouse towards you? Think about what could you buy or make for your spouse that would show how much of YOU went into the gift? If you want to fix that problem in your marriage, stick with this for a minute.
It requires some deep thought anyway, but I promise you that if you make a habit of this kind of giving, it will transform your marriage for the better.
#11: Be the Change You Want To See
In the mission of fixing your marriage problems, be sure to encounter resistance by your spouse. Your spouse may be emotionally “checked out” of the marriage and not care about your efforts to improve the situation or be willing to extend any effort of their own.
You can’t force your spouse to change their attitude concerning the problem you both are currently facing, this is because a change that is imposed will yield nothing, but a change that is self-initiated is what really makes the whole difference in fixing your marriage problems.
#12: Get Involved
There is this phrase that says: “you are what you eat” when we narrow it down to marriage, I would say, you are what you do. In other words, how you and your spouse “SPEND YOUR TIME” determines the strength of your marriage. Spend time together with your partner and you’ll feel connected.
Can you remember when you used to visit each other at the workplace? Meet each other’s family and friends? Help to solve each other’s problems? Ask each other’s opinions? Learn about each other’s interests? That’s the ticket! Right now all this may not sound interesting to you if your marriage is gravitating towards the rocks.
#13: Don’t Talk To Family or Friends about Your Situation
“One of the most important values in a marriage is privacy; therefore, it’s a mistake to talk about your marriage or your spouse to family or friends. It’s a violation of your spouse’s privacy and it’s wrong.”
Another solution for fixing your marriage problems is to focus on yourself instead of putting all the blame on your spouse. Take the time to examine yourself and how you have contributed to the problem at hand. You should remember that you have your faults as well.
Reflect on the specific reason why your romance has ended. It is also advisable for you to determine the specific things that you find pleasurable about your relationship and the specific things that make you unsatisfied and unhappy. Carefully weigh and consider all these things so you can know if your marriage is worth fixing.
#15: Fixing Your Marriage Problems Is a “Two-Way Street”
Communication is they say is the lifeblood of any successful marriage. Therefore for you to fix problems you need to build a more open communication with your spouse, after at least one or two months of not being together.
You can start to do a few steps that will let you reach out to your spouse. One way is to call him/her so you will know if he/she is still willing to talk to you and meet you in an environment which is neutral and convenient for the two of you.
When discussing the issues in your marriage, you have to make sure that you avoid using bitter or harsh words. You should also be willing to listen since this is very critical in restoring your relationship.
#16: Go It Alone
“Most people think, ‘I need my spouse to work with me to fix our marriage problems.’ But it does not take two to tango. One person’s effort can change the momentum of a marriage, and very often, it’s that effort that motivates the obstinate spouse to join in the process of saving and fixing that relationship again.”
#17: Stop Asking Yourself the Wrong Question
“Many people wonder and think if they got married to the wrong person, but unfortunately that’s not the issue. According to Mort Fertel, the marriage Fitness expert, he said: The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; “it’s learning to love the person you found.”
Love is not a mystery. Just as there are physical laws of the universe, like gravity, which governs flight, there are also relationship laws that, depending on your behavior, dictate the outcome of your marriage. You don’t have to be ‘lucky in love.’ It’s not luck; it’s choice.”
#18: Know That Absence Does Not Make the Heart Grow Fonder
“This point might have been true during your junior high school when you went away for the summer. But particularly in a broken marriage that needs some fixes, absence separates people. It creates distance, and that’s the opposite of what we’re trying to achieve, which is closeness.”
#19: Don’t Talk About Your Marriage Problems
“Talking about the problems in your marriage will not resolve them; it makes them worse. It leads to arguments and bad will. Besides, you’ll never talk yourself out of a problem that you got yourself into. Marriages change because people change.
Learn to say little! and so much. Speak in the vocabulary of your actions. New choices that people make always help to fix marriage problems; discussions don’t.”
#20: Don’t Think Marriage Counseling Is the Answer
Marriage counseling does not work in most situations. The success rate is miserable. Most couples report being worse off after counseling. There are so many couples in their quest to fixing their marriage problems, spent months in counseling classes, but got nowhere at the end. They talked and talked, but never received tangible and practical advice that was simple to understand and easy to implement.”
#21: Rinse and Repeat
You can’t fix your marriage problems overnight. Often, you have to take two steps forward and one step backward. It is not going to be rosy all the way, so be prepared for both laughter and tears.
In conclusion, fixing the issues in your marriage is just all about applying the tips and strategies you have been thought. According to Dr. Charles H. Browning, Ph.D. (Browning Therapy Group, Inc.), in his personal review of the ‘MARRIAGE FITNESS’ guide by Mort Fertel, the marriage fitness coach, he said that: “Applying the simple tips and strategies in Mort Fertel’s program can quickly transform your relationship into a beauty-from-ashes story with a very happy ending, even better than it was in the courtship days”.
Additionally, we can boldly say that contrary to the way relationships are portrayed in the movies, they are not all sunsets and roses. A better analogy is that of an ever-changing, complicated dance. When two people come together with different life histories, sensitivities, and current stresses, you are bound to bump up against each other or get blown off track over the course of a many-year relationship.
Strive to Repair and fix your marriage problems by actively reaching for your partner and letting them know that they matter and you care. This should create “HEALING” energy to move your relationship back to health.
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