Marriages change over time, and one of those changes can be attributed to a loss of intimacy. If you are already in a sexless marriage or relationship and wish to change it for the better, it is still very possible for you to do so.
However, in order for you to fix your sexless and boring marriage, you need to be able to take a step back from what is happening to you and look at things objectively in their true light.
I know it may seem hard right now as you must be going through an emotional turmoil, but trust me; you can still come out from it and return to normalcy in your sex life. However, if you let your perspective be clouded by your emotions, it would be difficult for you to fix your sexless marriage.
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#1 Be Introspective
You need to start with yourself, asking some tough questions on how your relationship got to this point. Items to consider include: What does the lack of sex indicate? Could it be that you’re not a good match?
Has your relationship reached its expiration date? Or, is there a much bigger problem to tackle outside of the bedroom? The moment you deal with these questions you will soon begin to realize the solution to fix your sexless marriage again
#2 Talk about Your Marital Sex Life
At first, this matter can be very difficult to discuss but is well worth the effort since couples who talk about sex tend to have healthier marriages.
In doing so, you want to raise awareness without blaming or sulking each other. Let your partner know that you want to talk about what can be done to fix things in the relationship.
#3 Initiate the Commitment
Your first step to restoring your boring and sexless marriage is making the commitment together. As can be seen, this is the most essential, step and a huge reality check. The question you should ask yourself is: Do you and your spouse want an erotic relationship again? It doesn’t matter how long since you both were sexually intimate, the good news here is that you can still reconnect and recover your marriage sex life.
You both have got to sit down and have a very honest conversation about the future of your marriage. The honest truth here is this: If you both can honestly say that you want to have a sex life together again, you can move on to the next step of healing your sexless relationship and continue with your marriage again just as it were.
#4 Detox Your Relationship
Oftentimes, the present life events like having kids or taking care of elderly parents can derail one’s sex life. Thereby, creating a dry spell or a temporarily sexless marriage. However, in many cases, though, the slow build-up of resentment is what causes a sexless marriage.
Do an inventory and get honest about why you have drifted from one another. You can either choose to be alone or with the help of a good therapist. Be honest with yourself, and get your emotional issues out in the open and work towards detoxing your sex life.
#5 Learn To Build a Culture of Pleasure
This particular part comes with fun ideas for healing your sexless marriage. The first step to getting intimacy back on track is to commit to what we call a Culture of Pleasure in your relationship.
Every marriage has a culture that is created by how you treat your partner day in and day out. Make it a priority to be kind, caring and loving towards one another. Go out of your way to love and serve your partner, and be grateful when they reciprocate.
#6 Fire-Up Your Sexless Marriage with Massage
Once you succeed in treating one another kindly within the home, it is time to reconnect your bodies and start reaping the benefits of loving touch. Like the therapists and sex educators would say: “Touch is the most powerful tool for reconnecting after living in a sexless marriage”.
Take it as a duty to be kind, caring and loving toward one another. The goal here is to create an environment where you both feel loved, valued and appreciated. No deed is too small, from doing extra dishes to complimenting your partner, every moment of kindness counts.
#7 Make Full Body Contacts
As you begin to realize and feel the benefits of exchanging couples massage, you should now begin experimenting with more full, body contact. This is to say you should get naked and cuddle more often! The full body skin to skin contact of cuddling is a powerful healing force.
Skin contact releases oxytocin, the love and bonding hormone that makes you feel happy and peaceful. Try to cuddle at least a few times a week, if not every night. Just a minute or two can be enough to create more intimacy and trust, you have got to believe this!
#8 Boost Your Interest with Each Other
Sometimes, health and hormones can drain sexual desire. In any of such experiences, a doctor should be consulted when trying to discover how to fix your sexless marriage. However, lack of interest often stems from a decreased sense of either yourself or your mate as a sexual partner.
#9 Name Your Desires
At this very stage, you are to come up with a short list of desires. Desires are pleasures you want more of in your real life. Can you name three specific desires? They can be named as more foot massage, cuddling on the couch, longer kisses. What is essential is that your desires are specific.
When you can name exactly what you want, it is much more likely you will get it. Share your specific desires with your partner and ask him/her to come up with their own list.
#10 Negotiate an Erotic Goal
As you have shared your desires; you are now required to come up with a shared erotic goal. Most people say sex should not be goal oriented. But this is not true, as goals work in every other area of our lives so they should work to improve our marital sex life.
Therefore agreeing on a goal together will help you and your spouse stay accountable to one another and help you make your sex life a priority.
#11 Apply the Three Minute Game
When you have the opportunity to be more playful together, try the “Three Minute Game”. Grab a timer, set it for three minutes and then take turns asking for what you want. One person gives the other receives. This game forces you to figure out and ask for what your body is craving for. In one moment, you might ask for three minutes of back massage.
In another moment, you might be ready for three minutes of cunnilingus. Or, you might want to ask for three minutes of conversation! However, this kind of game seems silly at first, but it’s a very powerful tool to work on your communication and negotiation skills with your spouse. Just put it into practice and see.
#12 Celebrate Incremental Change/Progress
As you begin to reclaim your intimacy after being in a sexless marriage, you may experience huge leaps of progress and have a renaissance in the bedroom. Or, your reconnecting may come slowly. Either way, always celebrate the victories. Make sure your partner knows you appreciate the investment in your sex life.
Express your gratitude verbally and by continuing to build the Culture of Pleasure in your relationship. By tracking your progress and celebrating every victory at every step of the way, you are more likely to stay on track and make your sexless marriage a thing of the past.
#13 Take a Marriage Retreat
In order for you to win your marriage back on track in the sex department, take a vacation for just the two of you. Be sure to spend time together communicating and just being yourself. You may also want to go on a trip that includes a sex workshop in which you can learn how to put sex back into your marriage.
#14 Get On a Schedule
If you realize that your partner feels as though the sex in your marriage is waning, one way to get out of a sexless marriage is to put sex on your schedule. Think of it as an exercise class or a fun meeting that you must attend several times a week.
This is one surefire way to keep other distractions out of your schedule and you will feel better about it. However, it does not mean that you have to have sex every single day but do set aside the time to spend together.
#15 Don’t Be a Victim
Feeling sorry for oneself is the easiest thing to do. You may have the feeling that you have been done wrong and you just want someone to offer you compassion. Well, tough luck, feeling sorry for yourself is counterproductive as it will not bring any intimacy back into your marriage or relationship.
If you truly wish to fix your sexless marriage, stop playing the victim and realize that this is entirely within your power to change the direction your marriage has taken. It is also entirely up to you to start the process.
#16 Don’t Play the Blame Game
Also, it’s very easy to start throwing blame around either at yourself or at your partner. Both of these courses are the wrong path to take. Playing the blame game will not lead anywhere; it will only deepen the rift between you and your spouse.
Realize that the blame is probably not with either of you solely. You both share the responsibility for everything that happens in your relationship and marriage.
#17 Look To The Past
Sexless marriages don’t just spring up out of thin air. They are just symptoms of other, deeper relationship issues between you and your partner in the marriage.
One of the ways to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it is to think back to a time before your relationship difficulties began. Before you can solve any problem, you need to recognize the causes. Look to the past and the answer will probably stare at you, right in the face.
#18 Look To the Future
Of course, not everything that went well in the past can be duplicated in the present or future; you may have kids now or work different hours or anything else which may constitute a big part of your life. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t change your relationship for the better.
And that’s really one of the keys to solving most sexless marriages. Once you realize that something or things in your past triggered this condition, you can take action to fix your sexless marriage by taking steps to reduce the effect of that ‘thing’.
#19 Seek Profession Help to Establish or Re-Establish Communication
Working with a therapist or counselor is great to establish a safe environment. Such a professional can help you to reach your goals, examine the reasons for a lack of motivation, and face past and present influences that are contributing to the situation.
There are so many couples who decided to take dancing classes together and it improved their marriage tremendously. Other people play bridge each week or take an art class.
The choices are limitless. There are so many things you and your spouse can do together. The fact is that you find something you two can enjoy as a couple and make it a part of your routine.
#21 Use Your Words
Never underestimate the power of the tongue. Telling your partner regularly how much you appreciate him/her is the simplest way of conveying your love to your spouse, which would, in turn, make them more attractive to you and as a result of that, your spouse’s sexual life/urge can be re-ignited towards you.
Every couple today commonly cites lack of time and energy as the reason they don’t have sex anymore. This is particularly true of couples with young children. Wives are trying to balance work with child-rearing and running a household, while husbands are frequently working long hours to build their careers.
Making time for making love is not as easy as when it was just the two of you. If this looks like your marriage, you need to re-evaluate your priorities and what little time you have for you to be able to fix your sexless marriage.
In conclusion, being in a sexless marriage is always an awful feeling. Sometimes it happens slowly over time as the sex dwindles due to many factors until you realize that it happens maybe once a month or less.
Sometimes it can be a more abrupt ending where an event known or unknown seems to have switched off your partner desire button. However, the tips outlined above can help you make a headway in restoring back your lost sex life with your spouse.
But basically, everything boils down to one thing: the best way to start having sex again is to simply start having sex again. It sounds too easy, but it is true. The more you have sex with each another, the more your sex drive will be stimulated. The more your sex- drives is stimulated, the more you will want to have sex.
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