Breakup, heartbreak, love and hurt are all inevitable parts of life. Be it relationships when we are 13 years old or when we are 30 years old, breakups leave us feeling lonely, sad, distraught, and oftentimes less confident about ourselves. Unfortunately, while we face the heartbreak and try to get through the pain, it feels as if it those times will never end and perhaps that we may never get over it. However, we must always remember that this too shall pass.
A Single Man by Christopher Isherwood is an excellent book that teaches you that there is always a better tomorrow, and far more to look forward to in life after you face a big loss or a tragedy. No matter how bad you feel at that point in time, there will come a day when you will have the strength to look back at that time in your life and laugh at how you thought it was impossible to survive. This article will show you just how you can get over a relationship breakup and that too as fast as you possibly can.
Keep your distance
Be it on Facebook or Twitter, Instagram or WhatsApp; keep your distance from your ex. It is exceptionally tempting to keep a check on what is happening in their lives, and whether or not they are happy without you. However, once you give in to that desire of checking up on them, you will go back to that world of misery and over thinking. Stay as far away as you possibly can and you can easily get over your breakup fast.
Don’t try the friends route immediately
TV shows and movies have all glamorized the idea of staying friends after your breakup. No matter how tempting it may seem to still have your ex in your life, it is really not a good option immediately after your breakup. If need be, and if you both can handle it after some time, then the friends’ route may be great, but not immediately after the breakup.
Try not to stay alone
After breakups, we feel extremely lonely and miserable, and all we want to do is stay at home wallowing in our misery. Instead of staying home and eating ice-cream, getting drunk, or binge watching old movies alone, call your friends and make it a party. Staying in a positive company can really help you get over a breakup fast.
Try a workout
Physical exertion also leads to mental workouts. When you work out physically, your mind may not have enough time to focus on thinking about things such as your ex. A rigorous workout routine can really take your mind off of your breakup and can also be healthy for your body. Killing two birds with one stone, eh?
Staying cooped up in your house or your room can lead to thinking about your ex and your break up too much and staying in a perpetual state of melancholy. Going outside, feeling the sun, getting some fresh air etc. can all help you get over your sadness. Outdoors and fresh air has statistically proven to put people in better moods and help them get their minds off of whatever plagues them.
A lot of people claim to have gotten over their breakup much faster after having had an illicit short term rebound relationship with someone else soon after their breakup. Good sex after a breakup can really take your mind off of your ex. This does not entail sleeping around with everyone who looks like your ex though.
The idea is to have your body get used to physical intimacy with someone else. Good sex with other people can show you how many fish there truly are in the sea, and how your ex may not be the only one for you out there. Try reading Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin.
Try not to step into serious commitment soon after
While you are trying to get over your breakup, it is best not to involve yourself in another relationship so soon after. Not only will that just remind you more of your ex, but it will also be unfair to the person you will start seeing afterward. Breakups can be emotionally devastating and can really exhaust someone mentally.
To seek the same level of comfort we once had, it is common to dive right into a new relationship. However, it is best to stay away from such quick emotional attachment so soon after a breakup. Once you are mentally and emotionally stable, then it is okay for you to try another relationship.
We understand that it may seem like a weakness to cry but studies show that people who can cry when needed tend to have better control over their emotions, and are hence more emotionally stable. It may seem tempting to cry a lot following your breakup, and it is best not to stop yourself.
Getting your due catharsis will only speed up the process of you getting over your breakup. Having a good cry or multiple cries will help you get the pain out of your body and mind, and hence will speed up the process of getting over your breakup. A better way of doing this is to have someone you trust nearby or with you, because emotional support in these times can help the individual astronomically.
Even if you are not a good writer or a poet, writing heart-wrenching letters or poems addressed to your ex, and getting all your feelings out onto paper can really help to lighten your heart. Everything that you wish to say to them but cannot can all be said on paper. Just don’t send what you write. Keep it to yourself and you will feel lighter and more soothed.
Try to avoid seeing your ex
Especially in the case of your relationship having been a long one, it is possible for you to have a lot of mutual friends with your ex. If you get a party invite, or a get-together invite etc. try to avoid going.
Unless you are 100% okay with what has happened and can bear to face your ex without feeling torn, it is best to stay away. This does not mean avoiding any chance of running into them for the rest of your life. It just means taking your time to find yourself before trying to act ‘cool’ and nonchalant about your breakup.
Often times we lose ourselves in our feelings and our relationships. We fall so deep in love that we lose ourselves in the other person. And when everything ends, we find ourselves wondering just who we are. It is perfectly okay to feel like a changed person during and after your relationship.
However, the first and foremost important thing you need to focus on after your breakup is not to get your ex back, but to get yourself back. When you find yourself and learn who you truly are, then getting over your breakup and a broken heart is easier and much faster.
Don’t blame yourself
Most of us may end up blaming ourselves for everything that has gone wrong in the relationship. More often than not, it is both parties that are at fault in a relationship coming to an impasse. The more you blame yourself, the more you will find yourself yearning for the past so you can fix your mistakes.
Stop thinking about how things could have been different if you had liked something else or if you had done something differently. This is most definitely not the answer. Accept that mistakes were made and that now, nothing can be done about them. It is only possible to move on and not make those mistakes next time.
It is common to not want to accept whatever has happened and still yearn for the past. This part of the breakup is perhaps the most disruptive. What you need to do is learn, to be honest with yourself. Be it about your faults, your ex’s faults, your feelings or your dilemmas, learn to be okay with your thoughts, and make sure that you are honest with yourself.
The minute you start being honest with yourself about your feelings and your intentions, the minute you start accepting what you are feeling and thinking, then you will start healing and working towards moving on.
Do something different
Certain people tend to look for change as soon as something drastic happens in their life. Some get a tattoo, others get a haircut. Whatever you want to do; do it. Maybe it was attending a concert your ex never wanted to go to. Maybe it was that edgy haircut you couldn’t get because your ex’s parents liked conventional youngsters.
Do what you want. Change and new things can be good for you. Following a breakup, everything about you may remind you of the past. Having this change, or changing something about your opinion can serve two purposes. It can show you that change is a good thing and not something to be afraid of, and it can also become a marker for you to recognize the fact that you are strong enough to handle everything and move on with life. Embrace whatever change you want to bring into your life.
Get rid of your hope
All of us have hope that we might end up getting back together with our ex. As long as you hold on to this hope, getting over your breakup is impossible. Learn to accept reality and the fact that there is most probably no chance of you getting back together, learn to accept that this is how you will have to live and that your primary focus MUST be getting over your breakup. Only then can you actually move on.
Get rid of reminders
Roses and flowers and t-shirts may all remind you of your ex, but that really will not be a huge problem if you learn to get rid of substantial reminders. If you have any gift wrappers or trinkets around the house that your ex-gifted, then it is best to get rid of them. The more you see them, the more you will be reminded of your ex, and the more difficult it will be for you to get over the breakup.
Memorabilia are great for some people who particularly chose to hang on to tiny things that remind them of people that are no longer a part of their life. In case you cannot find the heart to permanently get rid of your ex’s possessions or reminders of your ex, then pack it up and put it aside for some time. Keep it out of sight, and it should be easy for it to stay out of mind. Once you are over the breakup, then you can take care of all the stuff you had out aside.
Overthinking and dwelling on memories is all we do when we are getting over a breakup. The more time you allow yourself to waste on reminiscing, the more sad and morose you will get. A good strategy to get over a breakup is to keep yourself extremely busy, so much so that you do not have enough time to think about your ex. This can be done by studying, working, writing, or drawing etc. Anything that takes up an ample amount of your time and ensures that you do not have enough spare time to think about the past is an excellent option.
As said in the beginning of this article, breakups and heartbreak are all inevitable parts of life. No matter how much someone tells you to get over it quickly, it is obvious that everyone gets over breakups at their own pace. However, following the steps mentioned above and always remembering that happiness and good times are right around the corner can help you get over your breakup faster than you ever thought possible.